a good response to the question “how old are you?” is something along the lines of “dunno i stopped counting after the first few centuries”
and it needs to be said seriously without smiling or humor or as casually as possible and followed by “so anyway” and a subject change as if it’s completely normal
my number one piece of advice is drink water and stay hydrated. we are made out of water. everything in us is made of water. and u are sitting there drinking a diet coke tellin me that’s all you’ve had to drink today. please get up and drink some water. for the love of god.
My BFF Coming out to her 89 Year old Grandmother
- BFF: Grandmother I need to talk to you
- Grandma: [concerned voice] What? What is it? Are you sick?
- BFF: No, no. Grandma. I'm gay.
- Grandma: What?
- BFF: I'm gay Grandma. I have a girlfriend now.
- Grandma: [relieved voice] Oh honey, is that all? I thought you had cancer. Anytime someone needs to tell me something they are sick. Who's your girlfriend, when is her birthday? I'll bake her a pie.
God he’s so amazing i love him okay
aaaaaAAAAAHHHHHH FUCKING FUCK I DROPPED SOME ICE CREAM IN MY BRA JESUS FUCKING CHRSIT ITS COLD
give it about 2 more seconds and it’ll be totally melted
when all you need is some angry sex
and you got your period